Singtel - We will give you LESS!

Singtel has started a project called "ProjectLESS'. You can read more about it here

This is the (fake) advertisement for it.

DISCLAIMER: Everything said below is a fabrication of the author. Do not believe anything written. Singtel would never be so cruel. They are the best telco after all aren't they?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Singtel recognizes that natural resources are scarce, hence we should do our part in conservation. We realize we have been doing too much in terms of our excellent mobile service provision, including our flawless 3G networks. This has resulted in a massive amount of electricity being consumed and hence contributing to quicker depletion of our resources.

Thus, our campaign goes forth with the theme of DOING LESS.

How we will contribute:

- We will increase the frequency which you get disconnected from your calls. Mobile calls take up battery power, which takes up electricity. Also, harmful radiation from cellular devices causes harm to the environment too.

We're subtly promoting racial harmony as well

- We will decrease the strength of our 3G network so as to lower the strain on our satellites and hence the strain on the earth's precious resources. On top of not being able to use 3G on the East-West line underground stations, you will now also not be able to use them on all other underground stations, including the NEL.

Sorry for providing 3G service here as well. We will remove coverage here to reduce total power consumption.

- In line with DOING LESS, our customer service operators will not answer your queries directly. They will instead suggest ways in which you can figure out the problem on your own.

Some examples of these would be : 

()Medidation

()Punching a wall

()Google

()Switching to another provider

We aim to do as little as we can for you.

I think we spelt 'Singtel' wrongly. Isn't it F-A-I-L?

- Remember, LESS is more. Our mioTV service has been too perfect. Totally uninterrupted viewing of cable channels, seamless soccer matches with no disruptions, especially during crucial times like the World Cup - what were we thinking? The environment has been screaming.

We will show only 70 minutes of all BPL soccer matches, 'leaving out' random bits at a time with static. This will, as mentioned before, decrease the strain on our satellites.

If the volume drops suddenly, don't be surprised.

No, we are not Manchester United Fans. But they do wear the same colour as us, so....

- Finally, our Internet Broadband service. We are deeply apologetic for wasting so much power by giving you high-speed Internet connections that far exceed the advertised speeds. This is extremely harmful to the environment.

As such, we will be trying to equalize the overall Internet speed to something around this level:

If we can do it for Mobile, we can do it for Internet too! 

Remember, little acts can collectively make a big difference.

Our planet is worth doing LESS for.